Everyone tells themselves stories. Some of those stories are empowering. Others are quietly destructive.
The way you talk to yourself creates your identity. It shapes what you believe about your own abilities. That internal narrative, running in the background of your mind, influences every choice you make.
Psychologist Carol Dweck spent decades studying how people think about their own abilities. People with fixed mindsets believe you’re born with a certain level of ability. That’s what you get. People with growth mindsets see things differently. They believe capability develops when you work at it.
The distinction drives behavior. Growth-minded people seek challenges and persist when things get difficult. Fixed-mindset people give up when they struggle because they interpret that struggle as proof they don’t have what it takes.
What separates the two? Often, it’s the story.
The Voice That Holds You Back
Negative self-talk is both a symptom of a fixed mindset and its primary fuel source. You hear it when facing something difficult: “You’re not smart enough for this.” After a mistake: “You always mess things up.” Watching someone else succeed: “You could never do that.”
Many people talk to themselves in ways they would never accept from someone else. They criticize themselves relentlessly and tell stories that undermine their confidence. Because the voice is internal, they assume it’s telling the truth.
It isn’t. It’s telling a story.
Consider how absurd this pattern looks when applied to early childhood. A baby tries to walk, falls down, and thinks: “Well, I’m clearly not a walking person. I gave it a shot, it didn’t work out, I’ll just crawl for the rest of my life.” That baby would spend decades scooting around on hands and knees, watching everyone else stroll by, convinced that walking simply wasn’t in the cards.
It sounds ridiculous. No baby thinks that way. They fall, get up, and try again until they succeed.
Sadly, some adults don’t. They try something once, find it difficult, and decide they’re not good at it. They fail a test and conclude they’re bad at math. They stumble through a presentation and tell themselves they’re not a public speaker. They receive critical feedback and believe it confirms that something is fundamentally wrong with them.
Everybody Had a First Try
Think about the skills you have now that once felt impossible. Riding a bike. Driving a car. Using software that’s now second nature. Playing a sport or an instrument. Doing your current job.
Everybody had a moment when they started something they had never done before and felt intimidated. Now many of those things that once seemed impossible are skills you take for granted.
Nobody is an expert on day one. That’s obvious when you say it out loud. But fixed-mindset thinking makes people forget it. They don’t succeed in early attempts and interpret that as proof they lack the necessary ability.
Four Places to Start
Changing the story you tell yourself isn’t something you do once. It’s a discipline you practice. Here are four areas where that practice can begin.
Research supports what experience teaches. Dweck’s studies show that students with growth mindsets outperform those with fixed mindsets by nine to seventeen percent. The difference isn’t intelligence. It’s persistence. Growth-minded students keep working when things get difficult because they see struggle as learning, not inability.
The same pattern appears in organizations. Eighty percent of senior executives say employee growth mindsets contribute to revenue growth. Companies where people believe they can develop their abilities perform better over time.
Listen to your self-talk.
Pay attention to how you explain events to yourself. When something goes wrong, do you interpret the failure as proof you’re not good enough or as the normal experience of learning? The language matters. “I’m not good at this” is a closed statement. “I’m not good at this yet” opens the door to growth.
Recognize your triggers.
Everyone has situations that activate fixed-mindset thinking. For some people, it’s receiving criticism. For others, it’s being asked to do something outside their comfort zone. Identify the situations where your negative self-talk gets loudest. Awareness is the first step toward choosing a different response.
Reframe your relationship with effort.
Fixed-mindset thinking says that if you were talented, things would come easily. Growth-mindset thinking says effort is how capability is built. Pushing yourself isn’t a sign that you don’t have what it takes. It’s how you develop what it takes.
Treat failure as data.
A single setback is not a verdict on your worth or your potential. It’s information. What worked? What didn’t? What will you try differently next time? When failure becomes feedback instead of identity, you become willing to attempt things without the paralyzing fear of looking foolish. You recognize that everyone stumbles when they’re learning.
The Story You Could Tell Instead
The narrative running through your mind shapes what you’re willing to attempt, how long you persist, and what you ultimately achieve. If the story says you can’t, you probably won’t try. A story that says you can learn changes everything.
Fixed-mindset stories feel true because you’ve been telling them for so long. But they were never facts. They were interpretations. And interpretations can change.
Start listening to the voice. Notice what it says when things get challenging and tells you that you’re not smart enough or talented enough. Remember what it really is: a story you made up.
You can make up a better one.
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