Most people walk into a new relationship with their guard up. If you asked them to rate their trust in a stranger on a scale of 1 to 10, they might say two or three. Maybe four if the first impression is strong. Then, over months or years, they gradually raise the number based on experience. The other person earns trust slowly, one interaction at a time.
This approach makes sense. It’s cautious and protects you from being taken advantage of. But it has a cost: it can take years to build a relationship that could have formed much more quickly.
Start At Ten
I do it differently. Unless something tells me otherwise, I extend a 10 from the start.
When I meet someone new and they’re warm, friendly, open and their body language suggests they’re genuinely glad to be in the conversation, I decide in that moment that this seems like a good person. I give them my trust before they’ve done anything to earn it.
This isn’t naive. I’m watching carefully the entire time. But I’d rather begin from a place of openness and adjust downward if needed than start from a place of guardedness and make someone prove themselves over years.
What I’ve found is that when you extend trust early, trustworthy people respond in kind. Some of my closest friendships started this way. So did some of my best client relationships. I can think of several clients where, early in our work together, I told them I’d sign whatever contract they gave me. I trusted them not to take advantage of me, and that trust was well placed.
But I’m not suggesting you ignore warning signs.
The moment someone says or does something that raises a question, I adjust the number. They might drop from a 10 to a 7 in a single conversation. If the pattern continues, they might fall to a 5 within days. I’m not going to let anyone take advantage of me. I’m just not willing to go through life assuming everyone will.
I watch for specific things. The clearest signal is how someone treats other people, especially people they consider beneath them. How do they talk to the waiter? How do they talk to their employees? How do they treat my team? If someone is polite and charming with me but dismissive or rude to someone on my staff, the score drops to zero. That tells me everything I need to know about their character.
Another test:
I’ll sometimes ask a question I already know the answer to and see if they tell me the truth. If they lie, immediate zero, and a sign to move on.
I also watch for transparency. Are they willing to share information, or do they hold things back that would be reasonable to give? If someone withholds information I’d expect them to share, it signals they don’t trust me to have it. That usually means they’re a low-trust person themselves.
And then there’s denial. When someone looks you in the eye and swears they didn’t say or do something you personally witnessed, the score goes to zero. There’s no relationship to build with someone who will rewrite reality to your face.
I once worked with someone who operated from the opposite philosophy to mine.
He believed everyone was out to take advantage of him. His response was to trust no one and try take advantage of them first. Every interaction was a competition. Every person was a potential threat. He was determined never to be caught off guard.
I could see the toll it was taking on him. He was constantly on edge, always calculating, never at ease. And because I knew how he saw the world, I knew he viewed me the same way he viewed everyone else. He was certain I would lie to him and take advantage of him if given the chance.
He could not have been more wrong.
But there was no way to prove it to him. His guard was too high to let any evidence through.
He wasn’t born this way. His father and brother operated exactly the same. He’d been taught since childhood that people couldn’t be trusted, and he built his entire life around that belief. It protected him from being hurt, but it also prevented him from experiencing what trust can create.
When people push back on my philosophy, it’s usually because they’ve been burned.
I understand that. Betrayal is painful, and the instinct to protect yourself is natural.
But I’d ask you to consider the cost of holding back trust. If you make people wait years before you trust them, you may be missing relationships that could have become meaningful much sooner.
I’m not telling you to be careless. Watch people closely. Listen to what they say and observe how they treat others. Adjust the number when you need to. But start from a place of trust, and let people show you who they are from there.
Most of them will be worth it.
At the end of each year, I review what I see working and failing across organizations I advise worldwide.
In this video, I share what deserves real attention in 2026 and what most leaders are over-investing in. If you are already executing on this year’s plan, this will help you confirm you are focused on the right things.
