I was coaching a CEO who was having difficulty communicating with his executive team. I sat in several meetings and watched the dynamic unfold. He would sit at the head of the table, lean back in his chair, look at the ceiling, stare out the window, and say very little for long stretches of time. At different points, he would throw out ideas, ask a few questions, and then often delay making a decision until later. His team was confused by his behavior.
Some people thought he was not paying attention. Others thought he was disengaged. A few interpreted his delayed decisions as indecisiveness. When he tossed out ideas, they were not sure whether those ideas were instructions, suggestions, or simply things he was thinking about. Because he was the CEO, they were hesitant to push back too hard, so they tried to read him and guess what he wanted. That guessing created anxiety.
When I talked with him privately, his explanation was completely different from their interpretation.
He told me that when he looked out the window or stared at the ceiling, it was because he was concentrating. Looking directly at people while they were explaining complex issues distracted him. He needed to look away so he could think. When he threw out ideas, he was not giving direction. He was testing possibilities and wanted the team to challenge him. In fact, he was frustrated that they did not push back more, offer other ideas, or tell him when they thought something would not work. When he delayed a decision, it was because he took the issue seriously and wanted time to write out his thoughts, weigh the options, and make the best decision for the business.
Once the team understood what was actually happening, the dynamic shifted. The CEO had not changed his personality or leadership style.
He had simply taken the time to explain how he worked.
I see versions of this issue all the time with senior leaders.
Most leaders are careful to explain goals, priorities, and performance expectations. Very few spend time helping their teams understand how to best work with them. That is a mistake.
People cannot read your mind. They do not automatically understand what your silence means, how much independence you expect, when you want to be involved, or what level of pushback you actually welcome. When those things are not understood, they start interpreting behavior on their own, and those interpretations are often wrong.
One of the tools I often use with coaching clients is a simple “Working With Me” document.
The purpose is to replace guessing with a better understanding of how the leader and team will interact.
For example, do you prefer to receive a written summary before a meeting so you have time to think? When you offer an idea, are you giving direction or inviting discussion? What issues should be escalated immediately? What is the best way to reach you when something is important: email, phone, text, a scheduled meeting, or something else?
I have had to explain this directly with my own teams.
I do much better when someone sends me information in writing first. That gives me time to read it, think about it, and respond thoughtfully. Then we can have a more productive conversation. I am also clear that when I delegate something, I trust the person to own it. Unless it is a mission-critical project, I am not going to keep checking on it. When I delegate something to someone I believe can handle it, it ceases to exist in my world. That does not mean I do not care. It means I trust them to do the work and come back to me if they need help.
We also have a simple system for email.
If the subject line does not say anything beyond the topic, it is something I can review later. If it says IMPORTANT, it means I need to address it within about 24 hours. If it says IMPORTANT/URGENT, it means I need to stop what I am doing and handle it immediately.
When leaders do not explain how they work, people guess. Some guess correctly. Many do not. A simple “Working With Me” document can remove a lot of that unnecessary friction and give the team a better way to interact with you.
Organizations are expecting more from the people they bring in to speak.
A strong keynote still matters. But leaders are also looking for practical tools, planning support, useful takeaways, and someone who understands the pressure behind the event.
John Spence does not just walk on stage, deliver a keynote, and leave. He works with you as a trusted partner from the first planning conversation through the final follow-up.
